Ever since I got into school, and since then, I have had various people I do not really know telling me congrats and what an inspiration my story has been to them.
And it amazes me.
It is amazing to think that little old me, sitting here taking a break from the biochem that is not really biochem, could serve as an inspiration to anyone.
And it is awe inspiring to think that someone out there looks to me as a beacon of hope, of light....that someone looks at me and sees the possibilities.
I am in awe and speechless and dumbfounded.
So thank you.....thank you to everyone who has believed in me, thank you to those who have hoped with me, who have cried with me and thank you to those who now look to me as a source of inspiration. I promise with all my heart I will do my best and prove that this can be done.
As my t-shirt says today....
"Your impossible dream can become a reality"
Here is to my impossible dream becoming one and hoping that anyone reading this for inspiration has their impossible dream come true as well.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Reflections on the first week
I think this week has been one which has brought many unknowns and new experiences as well as being one which has proved to me at least that you should never take anything for granted. So here is an overview of my first week....
Monday:
Started the morning with History of Medicine. The professor of this class is genuinely engaging and funny. Even though we only have a paper and technically do not have to attend this class, I will be going since I enjoy his lectures so much.
Then we had two hours of psychiatry. Call me jaded, but being a psychology major this class so far has absolutely nothing to do with psychiatry. So I am now referring to it as the "Holy Roman Empire" class. Yes this is based on the old Saturday Night Live skit. "The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy nor Roman nor an Empire...discuss."
An hour break for lunch.
Then another hour of the Holy Roman Empire class.
Then the class I think makes me the most anxious. 2 hours of anatomy. *gulp* The first hour they scared us by showing us some test stats from last years class...*double eek*. Then we did the intro lecture which was basically all the terms we would be using over the course of the next few quarters.
Overall it was not too bad of a first day.
Tuesday:
started nice and early (8:10am) with Biochem. Now this is not really biochem but an intro to evidence based medicine so for the next four weeks my biochem has nothing to do with biochem and is more of a second Holy Roman empire class. And the paperwork. I guess this is where having worked in the corporate world comes in handy and being used to paperwork and team building activities comes into play.
Then it was two more hours of the other Holy Roman Empire class..aka psychiatry.
An hour break for lunch.
Then 2 hours of histology. we covered all the cell structure stuff in an hour and a half.
Wednesday:
Another early morning, but today I got to wear scrubs!!! Today was the first day of OMM. The class was interesting as we learned about the history more in depth and then it was off to lab and learn about anatomical landmarks. It felt good after sitting in lectures all week to get up and do something active and use my hands. It was fun and I think I am really going to enjoy this class a ton!!!.
After lunch we had a 2 hour lecture in Anatomy on embryology. I love embryology so I enjoyed this lecture. I am grateful I have had more in depth embryology classes before though as I think if i was missing this I would have been a little overwhelmed with the sheer amount of material presented. I am sure within the next few weeks I will be not loving anatomy but so far it has not been as bad as I expected it to be.
Thursday:
This is the day where everything went to heck in a handbasket.
I have known for some time that my iron ran on the low side of normal and that I was mildy anemic in part most likely due to my gastric bypass. My doctor had moved and I had decided to find someone closer to go to. My new doctor had decided to test my transferrin saturation to determine how my body's iron reserves were doing. The results were shocking to say the least. My transferrin saturation was 4%, anything below 20% is considered really bad. So basically my body has been using my own iron stores for some time now and I needed an IV iron infusion since I was no longer absorbing iron orally. So that was set up for this morning. The plan was to get the iron infusion and then go to class.
I did fine through most of my iron infusion. Then they disconnected me and I was ready to go. When I went to the lobby to go to the bathroom before I left I noticed that my legs started feeling funny, like they were being pricked with a million pins and my cheeks were feeling really warm and flush. I looked down at my legs and noticed they were reddish and mottled looking and appeared to have hives. When I looked in the mirror I noticed that my cheeks were really red and were also starting to get some hives. So I went back to the center where I had my infusion and they told me that I was indeed having an allergic reaction to the infusion. So I needed a dose of corticosteroids, benadryl and then some IV fluids. They also gave me reglan and pepcid since my stomach was not feeling so good.
Needless to say, I did not make it to histology lecture today.
In talking with my doctor later, we will never know what I reacted to. I could be reacting to the chemicals that the iron was complexed with which are supposed to help it go into the tissues or I could have been having a reaction to having that much iron in my system since it takes a while for the body to take up the iron from the bloodstream. We will be looking for a less toxic alternative, but I will still do preventative measures of corticosteroids and benadryl before I receive my next infusion to help stave off any adverse reactions.
Friday:
We only had biochem today. for this I was glad since I was still not quite feeling up to doing much. We were done by noon and then I went to have my second step of my TB test done as well as a titer drawn at the wellness center. I had a doctors appointment on my way home since he wanted to see me due to the reaction I had yesterday as well as get a B12 shot. And finally, my maintenance light was on in my car so I took it to the car dealership and got the oil changed.
I also decided to undertake a photo project known as Project 365, This is a project where you take a picture a day for a year. The hopes is to document the things around you as they change and the changes in you as well. From time to time, I will share some of the photos from this here. So here are some photos from the first week of med school :)
a picture of the much awaited id complete with the title "Medical Student":
The first day of OMM, rocking the Tinkerbelle scrubs!!!!
Monday:
Started the morning with History of Medicine. The professor of this class is genuinely engaging and funny. Even though we only have a paper and technically do not have to attend this class, I will be going since I enjoy his lectures so much.
Then we had two hours of psychiatry. Call me jaded, but being a psychology major this class so far has absolutely nothing to do with psychiatry. So I am now referring to it as the "Holy Roman Empire" class. Yes this is based on the old Saturday Night Live skit. "The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy nor Roman nor an Empire...discuss."
An hour break for lunch.
Then another hour of the Holy Roman Empire class.
Then the class I think makes me the most anxious. 2 hours of anatomy. *gulp* The first hour they scared us by showing us some test stats from last years class...*double eek*. Then we did the intro lecture which was basically all the terms we would be using over the course of the next few quarters.
Overall it was not too bad of a first day.
Tuesday:
started nice and early (8:10am) with Biochem. Now this is not really biochem but an intro to evidence based medicine so for the next four weeks my biochem has nothing to do with biochem and is more of a second Holy Roman empire class. And the paperwork. I guess this is where having worked in the corporate world comes in handy and being used to paperwork and team building activities comes into play.
Then it was two more hours of the other Holy Roman Empire class..aka psychiatry.
An hour break for lunch.
Then 2 hours of histology. we covered all the cell structure stuff in an hour and a half.
Wednesday:
Another early morning, but today I got to wear scrubs!!! Today was the first day of OMM. The class was interesting as we learned about the history more in depth and then it was off to lab and learn about anatomical landmarks. It felt good after sitting in lectures all week to get up and do something active and use my hands. It was fun and I think I am really going to enjoy this class a ton!!!.
After lunch we had a 2 hour lecture in Anatomy on embryology. I love embryology so I enjoyed this lecture. I am grateful I have had more in depth embryology classes before though as I think if i was missing this I would have been a little overwhelmed with the sheer amount of material presented. I am sure within the next few weeks I will be not loving anatomy but so far it has not been as bad as I expected it to be.
Thursday:
This is the day where everything went to heck in a handbasket.
I have known for some time that my iron ran on the low side of normal and that I was mildy anemic in part most likely due to my gastric bypass. My doctor had moved and I had decided to find someone closer to go to. My new doctor had decided to test my transferrin saturation to determine how my body's iron reserves were doing. The results were shocking to say the least. My transferrin saturation was 4%, anything below 20% is considered really bad. So basically my body has been using my own iron stores for some time now and I needed an IV iron infusion since I was no longer absorbing iron orally. So that was set up for this morning. The plan was to get the iron infusion and then go to class.
I did fine through most of my iron infusion. Then they disconnected me and I was ready to go. When I went to the lobby to go to the bathroom before I left I noticed that my legs started feeling funny, like they were being pricked with a million pins and my cheeks were feeling really warm and flush. I looked down at my legs and noticed they were reddish and mottled looking and appeared to have hives. When I looked in the mirror I noticed that my cheeks were really red and were also starting to get some hives. So I went back to the center where I had my infusion and they told me that I was indeed having an allergic reaction to the infusion. So I needed a dose of corticosteroids, benadryl and then some IV fluids. They also gave me reglan and pepcid since my stomach was not feeling so good.
Needless to say, I did not make it to histology lecture today.
In talking with my doctor later, we will never know what I reacted to. I could be reacting to the chemicals that the iron was complexed with which are supposed to help it go into the tissues or I could have been having a reaction to having that much iron in my system since it takes a while for the body to take up the iron from the bloodstream. We will be looking for a less toxic alternative, but I will still do preventative measures of corticosteroids and benadryl before I receive my next infusion to help stave off any adverse reactions.
Friday:
We only had biochem today. for this I was glad since I was still not quite feeling up to doing much. We were done by noon and then I went to have my second step of my TB test done as well as a titer drawn at the wellness center. I had a doctors appointment on my way home since he wanted to see me due to the reaction I had yesterday as well as get a B12 shot. And finally, my maintenance light was on in my car so I took it to the car dealership and got the oil changed.
I also decided to undertake a photo project known as Project 365, This is a project where you take a picture a day for a year. The hopes is to document the things around you as they change and the changes in you as well. From time to time, I will share some of the photos from this here. So here are some photos from the first week of med school :)
a picture of the much awaited id complete with the title "Medical Student":
The first day of OMM, rocking the Tinkerbelle scrubs!!!!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Halfway through orientation....
A list of random things I have learned through the first few days of orientation......
1. There is a hurricane coming at me so I should be prepared
2. I am going to learn how to drink from a firehose willingly
3. If you need me I will be studying, studying or studying ;)
4. A fair number of my classmates, possibly me, will have academic difficulties during the course of the year.
5. My ID card which worked 2 weeks ago on every door at campus now no longer works on the doors but does however still let me in the front gate...very confusing.
6. I have about a month, maybe month and a half, before the geese invade and I am dogding goose poop on the sidewalk again
7. I will get to use the brand new OMM lab next year....YAY!!!
8. I will *not* get to use the brand new anatomy lab *sigh* (it too opens next year)
9. Pretty heels are not good for long days
10. Parking while garage construction is going on is going to be a pain in the behind
11. More people on campus know me than I knew did....still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. So much for keeping ones head down...lol.
12. Presentations really can be that long.
And the most important two........
13. There is no place I would rather be than where I am right now!!!
and
14. My classmates are some pretty cool people :)
1. There is a hurricane coming at me so I should be prepared
2. I am going to learn how to drink from a firehose willingly
3. If you need me I will be studying, studying or studying ;)
4. A fair number of my classmates, possibly me, will have academic difficulties during the course of the year.
5. My ID card which worked 2 weeks ago on every door at campus now no longer works on the doors but does however still let me in the front gate...very confusing.
6. I have about a month, maybe month and a half, before the geese invade and I am dogding goose poop on the sidewalk again
7. I will get to use the brand new OMM lab next year....YAY!!!
8. I will *not* get to use the brand new anatomy lab *sigh* (it too opens next year)
9. Pretty heels are not good for long days
10. Parking while garage construction is going on is going to be a pain in the behind
11. More people on campus know me than I knew did....still trying to figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. So much for keeping ones head down...lol.
12. Presentations really can be that long.
And the most important two........
13. There is no place I would rather be than where I am right now!!!
and
14. My classmates are some pretty cool people :)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Twas the night before orientation.......
And all through the house the kiddos were stirring.....
the excitement was in the air and their motors are still whirring.
There were the clicks of teh keyboard as the final paragraph of the thesis was written.
There was aloe placed on sunburn, of course only after baths have been given.
The dinner was cereal...too much junk eaten at the day at the lake...
and yes we did eat cake :)
The clothes were laid out on the bed, prepped with much care
Now only if I could do something with this oh too short hair!!!
There will be coffee in the morning, of that I am sure
For the first early morning in weeks it is bound to be the only cure.
The lunches of pb&j will be packed for the munchkins,
and my bag is filled to the brim with all sorts of gumptions.
The nerves are a buzzing, and so will be the alarm...
I guess I should be glad I do not work on a farm ;)
In the hopes for a relaxing evening, the nerves won the war
And I am left hoping that all the sessions we must attend tomorro are not a bore.
I will have some old friends and new friends and a new group too....
If we all work together I am sure we will all get through.
And so I say as I lay my head down for the night....
"Happy orientation day to all and to all a good night!!!"
the excitement was in the air and their motors are still whirring.
There were the clicks of teh keyboard as the final paragraph of the thesis was written.
There was aloe placed on sunburn, of course only after baths have been given.
The dinner was cereal...too much junk eaten at the day at the lake...
and yes we did eat cake :)
The clothes were laid out on the bed, prepped with much care
Now only if I could do something with this oh too short hair!!!
There will be coffee in the morning, of that I am sure
For the first early morning in weeks it is bound to be the only cure.
The lunches of pb&j will be packed for the munchkins,
and my bag is filled to the brim with all sorts of gumptions.
The nerves are a buzzing, and so will be the alarm...
I guess I should be glad I do not work on a farm ;)
In the hopes for a relaxing evening, the nerves won the war
And I am left hoping that all the sessions we must attend tomorro are not a bore.
I will have some old friends and new friends and a new group too....
If we all work together I am sure we will all get through.
And so I say as I lay my head down for the night....
"Happy orientation day to all and to all a good night!!!"
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The best laid plans...(aka - that's life)
So my plan for the next few weeks seemed relatively simple.
Purge the house.
The purpose of purging the house is also simple...need to get rid of all this excess clutter in our lives before things get crazy and we do not get a chance to do so.
Also, I want a chest freezer in my garage. Why? Well, I will need access to simple ready to make meals and frankly my side by side does not hold enough to do anything of the sort.
So Monday:
I was waiting for a dumpster and waiting for the water softener guy to come. Needless to say, I did not get much done.
And then Tuesday:
I got a call in the morning about Scarlett who was at girl scout camp. She was running a fever and I went and picked her up as well as took her to the pediatrician to rule out strep. Needless to say I did not get much done yesterday either.
And here we are today:
Scarlett and Declan are both home today with whatever bug they have and I have a feeling there is not much getting done today either.....
sigh
Such is life.
Purge the house.
The purpose of purging the house is also simple...need to get rid of all this excess clutter in our lives before things get crazy and we do not get a chance to do so.
Also, I want a chest freezer in my garage. Why? Well, I will need access to simple ready to make meals and frankly my side by side does not hold enough to do anything of the sort.
So Monday:
I was waiting for a dumpster and waiting for the water softener guy to come. Needless to say, I did not get much done.
And then Tuesday:
I got a call in the morning about Scarlett who was at girl scout camp. She was running a fever and I went and picked her up as well as took her to the pediatrician to rule out strep. Needless to say I did not get much done yesterday either.
And here we are today:
Scarlett and Declan are both home today with whatever bug they have and I have a feeling there is not much getting done today either.....
sigh
Such is life.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
The beginning
So I have often toyed with starting a blog and documenting this amazing journey but I am often left wondering where to start.
As good of a place to start is the beginning...how I got here. So pull up a chair, grab a bowl of popcorn and settle in for a heck of a story.
The journey really started in high school. I struggled in Advanced Biology and my guidance counselor did not think it was a wise idea for me to take general chemistry my sophomore year like the remainder of my classmates. However, still needing more science credits to graduate, I elected to take a genetics course as that was the only portion of biology I found I had a love for and understood. Towards the end of the semester, we discussed careers in genetics. It was then that I heard about what I thought was my career to be...genetic counselor. It seemed like a perfect combination...the genetics I loved and the chance to be with people (and I am nothing if not a people person). So I finished high school with this idea brewing in my head of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be as well as what I thought a career would be like.
I did not go away to college immediately, as I had struggled with high school, instead I opted to go to community college and take classes there to start. I was surprised to find that college suited me much better than high school. I attended some of the college fair nights and asked the representatives in attendance what I would have to do to begin a career as a genetic counselor. I was surprised and dismayed when no one appeared to know what I was talking about and could not tell me how to get from point A to point B. I began to give up on being able to follow my dream and started to consider other career options.
My second love has always been writing. Somehow I figured I would combine writing with sports and I ended up At Southern Illinois University in Carbondale to pursue a major ion radio-television. It was a perfect storm of things that happened which lead to my ultimate failure. There were a lot of personal things that happened in my life, including my grandmother being diagnosed with lung cancer and receiving death threats at school. However, there were also other factors, the school did not follow their policy for intervening with failing students. But none of that matters because I was not pursuing what I really in my heart thought I wanted to do.
I began looking into becoming a genetic counselor again and using the web to figure out how to get from point A to point B. It was at this time that I figured out I would need to get degree in Biology and that it was a Masters degree I was looking at pursuing. After going back to community college once again and wondering where I would end up I finally found a home at University of Wisconsin-Parkside. My wonderful advisor here believed in me when I did not believe in myself, had faith in me when I lacked it and had complete confidence in me that I could accomplish anything I could set my mind to. While I was here, I took part in a shadowing experience when I was pregnant with my son in the summer of 2003 with a genetic counselor to meet the requirements of applying to the programs. I had this wonderful picture in my mind of what this profession would be like, this thing I had worked and wanted for so long.....and then I saw it in person and I was shocked. What I saw in person was not even close to what I had envisioned in my mind....I knew that the path I was on was not the one I was suppose to be on. At the end of the summer the wonderful group I was with met with me briefly to see if there was anything they could do to aid my application process, how I enjoyed my experience, etc. I told them that I tremendously enjoyed the experience (which I did) but that it was not quite the career I had envisioned. When they asked me what I wanted and I told them, that is when they dropped the "d" word on me. "Doctor". And that is also when I did my best impression of a 2 yr old and threw the temper tantrum of all temper tantrums and refusing to believe that I would be a doctor....I could not be a doctor I could not ask my family to sacrifice *that*. There just had to be another way and I was determined to find it. So I looked...I looked under every rock, turned over every stone, explored every possible other option and found myself lacking. everything required me to sacrifice something I wanted, everything asked me to change what I wanted...and I began to realize maybe just maybe I would be a doctor. So my final year at Parkside I became the thing I had worked so hard to avoid...the thing I had dreaded not even a year prior....I became a premed!! And of course I had t o do all the lovely premed things...like take the MCAT. Yeah, I recommend studying longer than 4 months for that beast :) I could not apply until the summer after my senior year however and my life was about to get uprooted.
We got transferred to New York....so I applied to east coast schools. I quickly discovered they had very little love for a nontraditional student with some questionable marks on her record and a less than stellar MCAT. Just as I began talking to admissions reps out there, we had made the decision we wanted to come back to the Midwest if we could...no one was happy on the east coast. The schools there placed the idea of a Master's program in my head...as my one and only shot at getting in to med school. So I began exploring programs on the east coast as well as back in the midwest and had my life changing surgery (my gastric bypass on tax day - April 15 2005). shortly after, we found out we would indeed have the chance to move back to Illinois and I applied to Loyola and Rosalind Franklin.
I never heard back from Loyola but was wait listed at Franklin. Then I got the call, two days before orientation was scheduled to begin, that I was in. I was thrilled and excited and happy. Here we went. Then life throws another curve ball at me....I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. It was an exceedingly risky pregnancy as I was still in the part of my weight loss journey where I was losing a lot of weight. I also began to have gallbladder issues. During one midterm week I became exceedingly ill, to the point of dehydration and some early contractions and had to be hospitalized and missed my biochem midterm making my final worth an extraordinarily large percentage of my grade. I was focused on trying to survive and get ready to add to our family, and ended up missing the gpa cutoff to continue by one question. The one question I had the right answer to but changed.....proof positive you should always trust your instincts and never change your answer! I also felt the confidence I finally found slipping away....I was floundering again, I was underwater again.
I looked for advice and was told I was done. I had my chance and I had blown it. I would be forever blacklisted...I would never get into med school...I would never be able to pursue my dreams.
I talked with an admission rep from the local state med school and he told me there was a chance, if I did good on my MCAT, got in my app early and got my grad gpa up to a 3.0. So I spent a year taking classes at NIU as a grad student at large and brought my gpa up as well as got my confidence back.
I took a year off, went to the local community college, got my first responder certification and applied one last time..I swore it was the last. I got the email from Midwestern offering to transfer my application to the Biomedical sciences program and I did. And I was placed on the wait list...again. But I would get off....again...this time about a week prior to orientation.
This is where I found myself...this is where I have thrived. I have approached everything differently I have been a different student and person and family member...I have had to be.
And I applied to CCOM...I knew Midwestern was where I wanted to be. I was placed on the alternate list for admissions...again. And somehow, someway, they found me deserving and I was called on June 30th...a full month and a few odd days before orientation.
Through all of this I have worked with doctors in the ER, I have shadowed, I have gained an understanding that this is truly what I am meant to do.
People talk about a calling, people talk about destiny, people talk about the thing that you know you were meant to do........well my thing, my destiny, my path begins in a few weeks.
Will it be challenging??
Heck yes.
Will it be manageable?
I know so....I think we as a family can handle anything.
Will it bring me to tears?
I am sure there will be tears...happy and sad and frustrated and angry and mad.
But they will be worth it...the dream is worth it....my destiny is worth it.
In the words of Robert Frost:
"two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference."
And of course the ever present Grateful Dead:
"What a long, strange trip it has been."
As good of a place to start is the beginning...how I got here. So pull up a chair, grab a bowl of popcorn and settle in for a heck of a story.
The journey really started in high school. I struggled in Advanced Biology and my guidance counselor did not think it was a wise idea for me to take general chemistry my sophomore year like the remainder of my classmates. However, still needing more science credits to graduate, I elected to take a genetics course as that was the only portion of biology I found I had a love for and understood. Towards the end of the semester, we discussed careers in genetics. It was then that I heard about what I thought was my career to be...genetic counselor. It seemed like a perfect combination...the genetics I loved and the chance to be with people (and I am nothing if not a people person). So I finished high school with this idea brewing in my head of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be as well as what I thought a career would be like.
I did not go away to college immediately, as I had struggled with high school, instead I opted to go to community college and take classes there to start. I was surprised to find that college suited me much better than high school. I attended some of the college fair nights and asked the representatives in attendance what I would have to do to begin a career as a genetic counselor. I was surprised and dismayed when no one appeared to know what I was talking about and could not tell me how to get from point A to point B. I began to give up on being able to follow my dream and started to consider other career options.
My second love has always been writing. Somehow I figured I would combine writing with sports and I ended up At Southern Illinois University in Carbondale to pursue a major ion radio-television. It was a perfect storm of things that happened which lead to my ultimate failure. There were a lot of personal things that happened in my life, including my grandmother being diagnosed with lung cancer and receiving death threats at school. However, there were also other factors, the school did not follow their policy for intervening with failing students. But none of that matters because I was not pursuing what I really in my heart thought I wanted to do.
I began looking into becoming a genetic counselor again and using the web to figure out how to get from point A to point B. It was at this time that I figured out I would need to get degree in Biology and that it was a Masters degree I was looking at pursuing. After going back to community college once again and wondering where I would end up I finally found a home at University of Wisconsin-Parkside. My wonderful advisor here believed in me when I did not believe in myself, had faith in me when I lacked it and had complete confidence in me that I could accomplish anything I could set my mind to. While I was here, I took part in a shadowing experience when I was pregnant with my son in the summer of 2003 with a genetic counselor to meet the requirements of applying to the programs. I had this wonderful picture in my mind of what this profession would be like, this thing I had worked and wanted for so long.....and then I saw it in person and I was shocked. What I saw in person was not even close to what I had envisioned in my mind....I knew that the path I was on was not the one I was suppose to be on. At the end of the summer the wonderful group I was with met with me briefly to see if there was anything they could do to aid my application process, how I enjoyed my experience, etc. I told them that I tremendously enjoyed the experience (which I did) but that it was not quite the career I had envisioned. When they asked me what I wanted and I told them, that is when they dropped the "d" word on me. "Doctor". And that is also when I did my best impression of a 2 yr old and threw the temper tantrum of all temper tantrums and refusing to believe that I would be a doctor....I could not be a doctor I could not ask my family to sacrifice *that*. There just had to be another way and I was determined to find it. So I looked...I looked under every rock, turned over every stone, explored every possible other option and found myself lacking. everything required me to sacrifice something I wanted, everything asked me to change what I wanted...and I began to realize maybe just maybe I would be a doctor. So my final year at Parkside I became the thing I had worked so hard to avoid...the thing I had dreaded not even a year prior....I became a premed!! And of course I had t o do all the lovely premed things...like take the MCAT. Yeah, I recommend studying longer than 4 months for that beast :) I could not apply until the summer after my senior year however and my life was about to get uprooted.
We got transferred to New York....so I applied to east coast schools. I quickly discovered they had very little love for a nontraditional student with some questionable marks on her record and a less than stellar MCAT. Just as I began talking to admissions reps out there, we had made the decision we wanted to come back to the Midwest if we could...no one was happy on the east coast. The schools there placed the idea of a Master's program in my head...as my one and only shot at getting in to med school. So I began exploring programs on the east coast as well as back in the midwest and had my life changing surgery (my gastric bypass on tax day - April 15 2005). shortly after, we found out we would indeed have the chance to move back to Illinois and I applied to Loyola and Rosalind Franklin.
I never heard back from Loyola but was wait listed at Franklin. Then I got the call, two days before orientation was scheduled to begin, that I was in. I was thrilled and excited and happy. Here we went. Then life throws another curve ball at me....I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. It was an exceedingly risky pregnancy as I was still in the part of my weight loss journey where I was losing a lot of weight. I also began to have gallbladder issues. During one midterm week I became exceedingly ill, to the point of dehydration and some early contractions and had to be hospitalized and missed my biochem midterm making my final worth an extraordinarily large percentage of my grade. I was focused on trying to survive and get ready to add to our family, and ended up missing the gpa cutoff to continue by one question. The one question I had the right answer to but changed.....proof positive you should always trust your instincts and never change your answer! I also felt the confidence I finally found slipping away....I was floundering again, I was underwater again.
I looked for advice and was told I was done. I had my chance and I had blown it. I would be forever blacklisted...I would never get into med school...I would never be able to pursue my dreams.
I talked with an admission rep from the local state med school and he told me there was a chance, if I did good on my MCAT, got in my app early and got my grad gpa up to a 3.0. So I spent a year taking classes at NIU as a grad student at large and brought my gpa up as well as got my confidence back.
I took a year off, went to the local community college, got my first responder certification and applied one last time..I swore it was the last. I got the email from Midwestern offering to transfer my application to the Biomedical sciences program and I did. And I was placed on the wait list...again. But I would get off....again...this time about a week prior to orientation.
This is where I found myself...this is where I have thrived. I have approached everything differently I have been a different student and person and family member...I have had to be.
And I applied to CCOM...I knew Midwestern was where I wanted to be. I was placed on the alternate list for admissions...again. And somehow, someway, they found me deserving and I was called on June 30th...a full month and a few odd days before orientation.
Through all of this I have worked with doctors in the ER, I have shadowed, I have gained an understanding that this is truly what I am meant to do.
People talk about a calling, people talk about destiny, people talk about the thing that you know you were meant to do........well my thing, my destiny, my path begins in a few weeks.
Will it be challenging??
Heck yes.
Will it be manageable?
I know so....I think we as a family can handle anything.
Will it bring me to tears?
I am sure there will be tears...happy and sad and frustrated and angry and mad.
But they will be worth it...the dream is worth it....my destiny is worth it.
In the words of Robert Frost:
"two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference."
And of course the ever present Grateful Dead:
"What a long, strange trip it has been."
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